Sex Talk: Why Your Relationship Needs Intimacy to Survive
The secret’s out – people like having sex, and the days of
banned bedroom talk are long gone. In a world overrun with busy work
schedules, late-night dinner meetings, and “hook-up” apps, it can
sometimes be tricky to strike the right balance in your relationship.
So, just how important is intimacy? Well, we were curious, too, so we
turned to the experts for some valuable insight on communication,
intimacy, and the many benefits of sex.
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1. Intimacy fosters closeness
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Most experts will agree, intimacy is not only important,
it’s essential. A major component and powerful force within any romantic
relationship, intimacy plays a huge role in a person’s emotional
connection with his partner, enabling us to bond on many levels.
According to
Dr. Stan Tatkin, author of
Wired for Love and
assistant professor at UCLA School of Family Medicine, “Both males and
females experience increased doses of pleasurable, bonding hormones, and
these neurochemicals foster an increased sense of closeness.” Without
intimacy, how close are we, really, to our significant other?
2. Sex has major health benefits
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It’s the best (or at least the most enjoyable) workout you
can get, and just when you thought the “Big O” was the greatest finale
to your post-date night, love-making session, think again! According to
the experts, a person who has a gratifying sex life has more to look
forward to than just walking around with a huge grin on his face. Of
such health benefits,
Dr. Kat Van Kirk, Licensed Marriage and Sex Therapist and author of
The Married Sex Solution: A Realistic Guide to Saving Your Sex Life,
says, “These include improved cardiovascular and immune system
functioning, better mood, and reduced prostate cancer risk for men.”
While romping around between the sheets usually puts a
person in a (much) better mood, it can also help us improve in other
areas. Dr. Paul Hokemeyer, licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and
clinical consultant to
Caron Ocean Drive,
says, “A healthy sex life will translate into a healthier, happier,
better performing person. From a purely physiological standpoint, more
sex means our brains dump more delicious hormones into our system. These
hormones keep us humming along at a higher pitch. These include
oxytocin, dopamine, and serotonin. They reduce anxiety and depression
and empower us to be out in the world as more assertive and confident
beings.”
3. Communication is key
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Open and honest communication with your partner is an
important step in establishing an intimate connection. We’ve all been
there – that moment when you say one thing, but your partner
hears another, occasionally resulting in what could be the next world
war. When navigating the muddy waters of divulging our deepest thoughts
and feelings, it’s imperative we remember to be direct, always choosing
our words wisely.
As Dr. Stan Tatkin reminds us, a seemingly simple word can
mean various things to different people, which can lead to
miscommunication. A person might think he’s being clear when discussing
intimacy, but his partner might assume he’s referring to emotional
intimacy, when he is in fact talking about sexual intimacy. Expressing
what turns us on makes us vulnerable, so it’s also important to feel
safe when having these conversations (and leaving prejudices at the
door).
4. Make your own intimacy rules
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As
Rebekah Beneteau,
Sex, Kink and Intimacy Coach and Educator, points out, there’s not just
one definition of a “healthy sex life.” It all depends on a couple’s
personal desires, wants, and needs. One couple’s idea of a satisfying
sex life and that of another might be polar opposites. According to Dr.
Stan Tatkin, many partners do not complain about their sex life because
they want more or less of it, rather they become dissatisfied because
they’re comparing what they consider to be healthy with what our culture
considers to be healthy. Don’t be afraid to bring up your wildest
fantasies, even if they’ve been dubbed socially unacceptable by society.
5. Laugh, listen, and repeat
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While intimacy is an undeniable, absolute, and essential
component in any romantic relationship, it’s important to also
remember that it’s OK to take a step back from the severity of the
situation. According to
Toni Coleman,
psychotherapist and relationship coach, establishing a better line
of communication begins with learning to listen deeply, and then
reflecting back what is heard. Incorporating this simple habit into
conversations with your partner will ensure messages are
properly received.
“Intimacy is to a relationship like high octane gasoline
is to a high performance sports car. It provides the fuel that keeps it
going through the twists and turns of life. It also propels it forward
and keeps it from getting stuck in ruts.” –
Dr. Paul Hokemeyer
Courtesy Health & Fitness Cheat Sheet.
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